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October 2012 From My Perspective

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  • October 2012 From My Perspective

    A former male student of mine posted this on FACEBOOK: Does anybody have a fish finder they aren't using that I could possibly buy? I need one for my boat and don't really want to go out and spend a bunch of money on one right now. If you have something, just make sure it's all in tact and in working order please! My reply to him was: “Have you tried a hungry cat?”

    Brenduhh’s brother, Dub, came by for a visit. “Trudy,
    a cop pulled me over the other day because I was swerving a lot in the road. He asked if I’d been drinking. I told him I had not, but there surely were a lot of trees in the road. He said, ‘I see you have one of those pine trees air fresheners hanging from your rear view mirror.’ I wondered why the trees all looked the same, Trudy.”

    Without the freedom to criticize, there is no true praise.
    –Pierre Beaumarchais, playwright (1732-1799) Have you ever thought how great it is when an Olympian gets a score of 10/100? I really wouldn’t want to score a perfect score because, although I’ve done my best, the only direction left is down. Should one stay at the perfect score, it will eventually become a routine and there will be very little challenge. With a less than perfect score there is the opportunity to improve.

    As we get older, most people's appetite diminishes. Mine will probably do that when I'm 125; until then, fat chance!!!

    As I was driving along a highway, I got behind an escort truck which had gotten separated from its “charge”. As cars passed me, I got all sorts of stares and odd looking faces. It dawned on me why as I looked forward---in 2 foot high black letters on a yellow background, it said WIDE LOAD, STAY BACK. I was driving my red VW Bug.

    My friend, Melodie
    , had mammogram done the other day. She practiced slamming her boobs in the car door to get in the mood.

    Mahatma Gandhi
    as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ... A super-calloused, fragile, mystic hexed by halitosis. (I can hear you!!)

    I have a dear friend who broke her leg in 2 places.
    I’d go over to her house, get her into her car and take her places she needed to go. When it was very hot, I took her to Kroger for the first time since she’d broken her leg. She enjoyed getting out and cruising through the store. We about lost our minds when we got to the ice cream section. GODS!! so many choices. She loves KLONDIKE squares and we found all sorts of delicious ones: double chocolate, dark chocolate, mint chocolate, Heath pieces, and crunch. I found raspberry with dark chocolate pieces Kroger WHEELS which are round ice cream sandwiches. We bought some of the KLONDIKEs because the car wasn't big enough to haul the store's freezer to her house. As we were going back to her house I increased my speed. "Why are you going so fast?" she asked. "Well, do you want the ice cream to melt? Then we'd have to stop and eat it all so there'd be no mess?" was my retort. "Hmmm, why do you have to ask such difficult questions?" she volleyed.

    Have you ever noticed there are some people you’d
    love to hug around their neck with your arms, and others you want to use a rope?

    "Hatred eats the soul of the hater not the hated" Alice Herz Sommer age 108

    I don't have mammos done anymore. My doctor is not real thrilled about my choice, either. I told him my rationale: I have a tendency to swear a lot when in pain, the tissue is delicate, the machine puts pressure on that tissue breaking it down which may cause no defense to invading forces or weaken the defense, the gamma rays from the machine may invite problems of what the mammogram is trying to prevent, and I don't necessarily want to glow in the dark because when I hide in the closet from the resident terrorists, they'll find me. He was sort of speechless, but chuckled.

    Two cylindrical objects are standing next to each other.
    They both have strings coming out of their heads. One is holding a lighted match next to its string. The other says to it, “Knock it off, stupid. We’re tampons!!” Which is a segue to my experience at Wal-mart the other day. I was cruising down an aisle and encountered a cart in the middle of the aisle. I slowly moved it to the side so I could pass. From around the corner of the next aisle came the mover and shaker of that cart. She was dressed all in white from her feet to her super bleached hair. On top of her head she had a cap with a very long tassel. She was swearing at me and calling me all sorts of names. When she took a breath to continue her barrage, I asked, “Who in the world lit your string?”

    Brenduhh came over for a chat and lunch. She was talking about things she wouldn’t eat. “Brenduhh, would you like to have a tongue sandwich, then? I learned how to fix it in Pittsburgh, and it’s delicious.” She looked horrified and replied, “Oh no, Trudy. I never eat anything that’s been in an animal’s mouth.” I looked at her and asked, “Well, how about some eggs?” As I digressed in my luncheon suggestions, I asked her, “Sweetie, you’re European, aren’t you?” She yelled, “Trudy, have you lost your mind? If I was, I’d be in the bathroom on the toilet, not here in your dining room. I don’t do that in public!!” All I could choke out was, “Well, I guess that Depends.”

    I have found out that math teachers have a lot of
    problems. Case in point: A public school teacher was arrested recently at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been... charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President - It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

    Congratulation: The civility of envy.
    -Ambrose Bierce, author and editor (1842-1914) I find this an interesting observation. The next time you hear someone say, “CONGRATULATIONS!” give it some thought. Could the person really be saying, “A cartooning slut” or “A nut gal I to scorn”?
    The word "bookkeeper" is the only word in the
    English language with three, back-to-back double letter combinations. Our language is so interesting.

    The story of Romeo and Juliet is not a love story. It’s a 3-day relationship between a 13-year-old and a 17-year old and that caused 6 deaths. Today, Romeo would be charged with statutory rape, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and sent to jail. There he'd find Bubbah, or Bubbah'd find him. And, since Romeo wanted to be cool, he'd have his pants hang low, wobbling to and fro, showin' his Scooby Doos or Mighty tighty whities. So much for The Bard and his tales.

    "There were 2 men who were great friends. They told each other that who ever would get to Heaven first, they'd put in a good word to God for the other. Well, one of them died and was gone for about 2 years when the other died and went to Heaven. He was greeted by his friend. The new arrival asked, "Well, how is it here?" The other friend said, "Oh it's great, but tiring. I wake up every day, get something to eat, make love, get more to eat, walk around, make more love, eat again, walk around, get a massage and bath and go to bed. It's the same thing every day." "Well, what's so bad about that? That sounds wonderful. How you get that job?" His friend looked at him and said, "I don't know, but I do know I'm tired of being the only bull in a herd of buffalo in South Dakota."

    Have you ever had a friend who seems to enjoy holding grudges? I have. What a waste of energy and memory space. She came over and unloaded (it seemed like) 25 years of old grudges to me. I kept quiet as long as I could; that alone was a feat in itself. I looked her square in the eye and said, “Paula, I swear to Pete you hold on to grudges like they’re trophies of Olympic gold! Gods!”

    A feministic view on the old tale of THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG:Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "Oh right. I don't think so."

    What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and couldn’t care less.

    I had a phone call from a solicitor asking me not to hang-up before I heard their message. They told me my home had been selected for a full-house security system free of charge; however, the installation would be about $100. I told them I didn’t need that kind of system. They tried to convince me. I told them, “I live next door to the state police firing range. The chief is my brother. I train dogs for security and various prison systems. I have quite an alarm system of my own. Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson live with me.” I think I heard, “Oh my god,” then the dial tone.

    With my special needs teens it's this rhetoric every day: “Did you take your meds?: Rinse off your dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Do NOT just put them in the sink. They will NOT dissolve.; Get your shower and while in there, use soap all over your body; wash your hair; RINSE, for God's sake!!!; HANG-UP your clean t-shirts, the floor is DOWN, learn directional physics/inertia/logic!!; Do NOT drink a 24 oz. container of tea before you go to bed!; NO, you may not have HOT POCKETS for the 3rd. day in a row. I bought them and have plans for them.; Take stuff out of your pockets when you throw them in (or close to) the dirty clothes basket. I will throw away whatever I find in them.; No, you're not going to starve. You ate breakfast/lunch 30 minutes ago.” And the list goes on and on. I'm now on extra strength vitamins so I can get through this. I don’t pray for strength……I’d hurt them. Teens are an entity all their own.

    I’ve wondered: when you read silently, do you hear your voice in your brain’s ear?; why is it that no matter what color the shampoo, the suds are always white?; if you live in a place where the walls and floors are concrete and there is no furniture or rugs, will there still be dust bunnies?

    essings and smiles from me to you. Trudy
    Whether you think you can or think you can''re right.

    "There is no try; you either do or don't." Yoda