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2012 December Newsletter

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  • 2012 December Newsletter

    2012 “From My Perspective”

    Another year is coming to a close. I think the older I get the faster the years progress. There is so much hustle bustle at this time; however, my hustle seems to have fallen out of my bustle. Yes, one year is closing, but the anticipation of what is to come in the new one taps at the memories of the ones passed. I love the scents of this time of year: pine, sweets, spicy, and the freshness that goes with all this. In my area it gets cold and most of the time there is snow. After the snowfall the air has an aroma of just-been-washed-and-dried; it is clean and pure…..just like the One whose birthday we celebrate.
    My dear friend Melodie had to have some dental work done. Here is what she told me: “I finally got all the work done on my teeth, except for the cleaning torture, I mean, treatment. I finally figured it out, Olga the hygienist, is the Gestapo queen. Last week, she led me to the very back examination room at the dentist office, saying, ‘Follow me. Ve take you back here so no vone hears your screams.’ (roll tongue there, to achieve the correct accent.) She then cackled like Brunhilda in a broom factory. I guess my half-hearted joking about drowning me with the water hose falls on deaf ears, as she proceeded to splash me like a seal at Sea World when they clap for a fish and try to douse the audience with water. I told them I had places to go and people to annoy, so not to bother numbing me up, but I would like to keep my makeup in place so I would look half way decent when I left there to test drive my newest crown at the all you can eat Wasabi Buffet. The crown still needed some adjusting after Olga removed my dribble bib. Oh, good grief, that's when it "hit" me. (Literally) I was like that game I love so well at the county fair. The one where the patron uses a high-powered squirt gun, and tries to hit the tiny center of the clown's mouth with the stream of water, until the balloon on top of its head fills until it explodes! Yep, that's it! Only, I'M the CLOWN! 'Ol Olga needs to attend a few county fairs and brush up on her aim! She never did replace the dribble bib, so, as you might guess, I had water running down my face, into my cleavage. I guess no one noticed, but me. It made for a nice finger bowl at lunchtime.

    A few years I was doing a project, not a big one, but one which needed intense attention. Somehow I got distracted and mess-up an area of it. Hubby Dearest heard the grumbling and words not learned at Mother’s knee. He approached and said, “Hmmm, this is a good lesson in there is no project too small that can’t be screwed-up.” He was so brave.
    Have you ever walked into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? It turns out doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale. It's not aging, it's the door! Whew! Thank goodness for studies! I was beginning to think it was me and that age thing. ‘Guess I’ll be saying why I’m going through that door like I do when I travel the stairs…”going down, going down to get some frozen veggies from the freezer.”

    No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner. His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
    Daddy had quite a vocabulary of interesting, uncommon words, and he used them throughout his conversations with others. I was one of those “others”. This is probably where I’ve gotten my interest in words and the uncommon ones. Daddy and I were having a “discussion” one day. I guess we were at an impasse causing him to get a bit exasperated with me and tell me, “Babe, you are stubborn and pervicacious.” This alerted me to questioning the “P” word because I surely knew what the “S” word meant. I asked him what “pervicacious” meant. He said, “It means very stubborn.” Drawing on my English teacher background I told him, “You have used two words which mean the same thing in the same sentence connecting them with a conjunction of relativity. I am neither stubborn, nor very stubborn; I am determined.” I wry smile came over his face. “You are correct; however, you are determined and very determined.” As I walked away feeling victorious, I heard him mutter quietly, “And, you are stubborn, too.” This is a segue to Richard Dawkins, biologists and author’s statement of, “When two opposite points of view are expressed with equal intensity, the truth does not necessarily lie exactly halfway between them. It is possible for one side to be simply wrong.” I don’t know who was right or wrong, but I surely did feel intelligent matching my wits with a man who worked the New York Times crossword puzzle in INK!!!!!

    "Winter holiday dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times in football take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence." -Erma Bombeck

    Barb, one of my readers sent me a “Mama’s brag” about her 25 year old son. Here it is: PJ decided to re-enlist for another 5 years. His next assignment will be at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba10 June 2013. The re-enlistment will take place at half time during the Chiefs--Bengals game! The game isn't televised here but, I emailed both teams. Cincinnati basically blew me off, Kansas City sent me a very nice note and said they'll do everything they can to get me a copy of the half time show!! I’m both proud and sad about his decision. He's happy, so I'm happy! This is his 3rd time raising his hand in oath! He originally signed up for 5 years, re-enlisted for 2 more, now 5 more. 25 years old and a Staff Sgt....damn straight we're proud of him! .” I am, also, very proud of this young man. I don’t know him, but I know what it takes to re-up as many times as he has at 25. May God bless you double, PJ. Hooo-rahh! And God bless you, Barb and your beloved for having such a son.

    A friend of mine was most distraught over the out-come of the national election. She is very much against Obama “leading” the United States for 4 more years. She sent her opinion to some of her friends. Here is the reply she received from one of them: “We are no longer a country of ‘Ask what you can do FOR your country’. We are a country where the majority asks, ‘What can I get FROM my country?’ We are now a country where there are more takers than givers.” I won’t get political here, but the facts speak for themselves. An opinion you can take to the bank, but it is the fact that you can deposit.

    I’ve been watching a conversation on FACEBOOK. Nothing shows maturity like a public fight on the internet. Wow!! They turned on the caps lock. It’s serious now.

    Brenduhh came over all sad and honked. I asked her what was wrong. She told me, “Marie has been saying unkind things about me to others and passing judgment on me. All she’s said got told back to me.” I patted her hand and said, “Well, Marie doesn’t know you like I do. Whatever she’s saying is not true. Just remember, dogs bark at someone they don’t know. Take her a can of PEDIGREE dog food and tell her you understand why she’s saying all those unkind things about you.”

    I want to toot my daughter-in-law’s horn here. She has been instructed by her doctor, due to some enzyme and chemical imbalances in her system, to be on a no gluten/casein/dairy/sugar/if-it-tastes-good-spit-it-out diet. When we gather together to celebrate Christmas and a wonderful meal, I’m usually asked to bring the home made rolls. I might cut out some pictures of home made rolls and tell her to eat those. Gods, I don't know if I could follow the eating program she is on unless someone fixed all my meals for me, and I lived on a rock in the middle of a shark and jellyfish infested body of water. She has been very diligent and it is working. Congratulations Jessie. I’m so proud of you.

    My girlfriend told me she didn’t like my mood swings. I told her, “Don’t worry. I’ll get a curling, yellow slide.”
    The basic ingredient in WD-40 is fish oil. If you’re wondering what to get someone, usually a male, for Christmas, buy a can of WD-40 and Google the list of uses of this product. Run it off on some sturdy paper, put that in a plastic sleeve which you can get at any store, and gift wrap the entire thing. Unusual…yes; practical….yes. Does he really need another pair of socks or tie…….NO.

    A donkey ended up in an old abandoned well. His owner decided the hole was too deep, the donkey, too old, and it wasn't worth rescuing him. Instead, he called his neighbor and the two farmers agreed to fill the hole with dirt and bury the animal in the well. When the cries of the animal subsided, the owner peeked into the well to see what had happened to the donkey. What he saw astonished him. Instead of being buried, the donkey dodged the incoming dirt, standing on the ever-increasing mound, getting ready to jump out of the well. Troubled times/moments are like the dirt thrown on this donkey. You'll notice, as the dirt was thrown into the hole, the donkey was raised higher to the level of escape. The dirt represents our trials and tribulations. The more which is thrown on us the closer we get to the One who will help us escape them.
    J TY,G

    Christmas came early for me on November 14. I had to go get groceries, that necessary evil which goes in one end and out the other. I decided I’d make some beer bread later that week. I don’t buy beer, except for beer bread, and it’s been a while since I’ve made it. Seeing all the brands, sizes, and amounts CONFUSION came to mind. Finally, I saw one of the beer reps was stacking the shelves. I asked him would he show me the least expensive beer packaged in less than a six-pack. He took me to his brand of Miller Light. There, for $1.00, were 24 ounce cans. I bought 2 cans and knew I’d be making 2 loaves two times (each loaf calls for 12 oz.). At check-out, I put all the groceries on the conveyor belt. As I was waiting for the cashier to finish, she asked me my birthday. I was a bit surprised, but told her, “3/26/45. Am I going to get a prize or something for telling you my birthday?” She looked at me with a dead-pan look and said, “No. You bought alcohol, so I have to ask you your age.” I asked her what her name was because I was going to put her in my will!! I’ve been told I don’t look 67, but I certainly don’t look 50 years younger than that. I asked her if she had a sister and what her name was. She replied, “Brenduhh.” CONFIRMATION time, y’all.

    From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of
    meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality, which the children could remember.
    The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
    Two Turtledoves were the Old and New Testaments,
    Three French hens stood for Faith, Hope and Love.
    Four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark,
    Luke, and John.
    Five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
    Six geese a-laying, stood for the six days of Creation.
    Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, contribution, Leadership and Mercy.
    Eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
    Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.
    Ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.
    Eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
    Twelve drummers drumming
    symbolized the twelve points of belief in The Apostle's Creed.

    This seasonal song takes on a whole new meaning, doesn’t it? I hear you humming.

    Blessings are given to us all; some more than others, but we all receive a blessing each day. May you see your blessing, especially in this beautiful season. Trudy
    Whether you think you can or think you can''re right.

    "There is no try; you either do or don't." Yoda