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2013 August newsletter

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  • 2013 August newsletter

    Useless laws weaken the necessary laws. -Charles de Montesquieu, philosopher and writer (1689-1755)
    This is so true. I have a little book of unknown laws in different states. Some of them I truly wonder where they came from, what caused them to be made, and what idiot decided it was necessary to have the law. Here are some: AL: It is illegal to play dominos on Sunday. AK: In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. AZ: In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse. AR: School teachers who bob their hair may forfeit their pay raises. Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. CA: It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. (Well, what about Disneyland?) CO: In pueblo, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits. CN: In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog or kiss his wife on Sunday. (In some cases, could he tell the difference?) FL: Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed. HI: It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit. IL: In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet. IN: The movie STEPFORD WIVES is banned in Warsaw. Iowa: State law forbids any business from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player. Kansas: It’s illegal for restaurants to sell cherry pie a la mode on Sundays. Kentucky: It is illegal to remarry the same man four times. LA: It’s against the law to gargle in public. ME: The most money one can legally win gambling is $3. Maryland: It’s illegal to mistreat oysters. It’s illegal to play Randy Newman’s SHORT PEOPLE on the radio. Massachusetts: It is forbidden to duel with water pistols or wear a goatee without a license. MI: Dentists are officially classified as “mechanics”. MN: it’s illegal to tease skunks. MS: It’s still legal to kill one’s “sevant”. NH: It’s illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name. NJ: It’s illegal to slurp soup. OH: In Youngstown, it’s illegal to run out of gas.
    Good conversation starters:
    •There are 230 joints in the human body. •The average human head weighs about eight pounds. •The kidneys filter over 400 gallons of blood each day. •J. Edgar Hoover wouldn't let his drivers make left turns. •Penguins have an organ above their eyes that converts salt water to fresh water. •The metal band that connects the pencil eraser to the end of the pencil is called a Ferrule. •The little piece of cartilage that sticks out at the front side of your ear is called the Tragus. (I know you just touched it.) •The points of light that you see behind your eyelids when you shut your eyes really hard are called Phosphenes. (And, you just shut your eyes tightly to find out, didn’t you?) •There are 104 stitches on a baseball. •A boomerang will return to the thrower even in space. •The top of the Empire State building was built to anchor blimps.



    There are 3 very important words in life---HONESTY, TRUTH and RESPECT. Without them there is nothing. You really can’t have one without the other two. Think about it.
    REVELATION TIME!!!! Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin. Muffins are healthy. Eat healthily. You’re welcome.
    Brenduhh came by for tea. During our conversation she mentioned the old adage, “Money can’t buy you happiness.” She wondered what that was all about. I told her, “I don’t know who came up with that one because I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to prove it’s wrong.” She started talking trying to lose some weight. I told her, “Mine is perfect for my height. Today I’m going to be 7’ tall.”
    I have a dear friend whom I haven’t seen for about 8 months to talk with. I periodically send her e-mails of the adventures in my life; she doesn’t reply, though. I wrote her an e-mail and said, “I’d love to hear what you’ve been doing since the last time I saw you 8 months ago. How about you write me? I have time to read the novel.”

    When I was a kid and showed disrespect to my mother, she'd let me know it was not permitted. She let me know by smacking me a good one with either her hand or yard stick. Then, the famous words of, "Wait until your father gets home." came out of her mouth. It was an uncomfortable wait. I was usually in my room when he got home. I heard them talking and then he came up the stairs. Knocking on my door he said, "We need to talk." Actually, it meant "I am going to talk....you are going to listen." That ensued. After the speech, he told me it would be a real good idea for me to NOT show the disrespect again. His famous words...."Life is tough; it's tougher when you're stupid." Years later I was disciplining one of mine. He watched and listened. When the child went to the other room to sit on a chair, he said, "Babe, you were pretty tough on that kid. Where'd you learn to be like that?" I was so surprised to hear him say those words. I responded with, "I'm looking at one of my teachers, and I think I've turned out pretty good." With a wry smile he said, "Yep, you did." I was so upset and feeling dark that I went to the pool and tried to drown myself. I got to the bottom and slowly started to surface. Tried again.....failed. Tried a 3rd. time thinking a 3rd time would be it.....failed. I gave up, leaving with the belief that I was actually a cork. When I told my doctor about my feelings, he became concerned. I told him, "Don't worry; I can't drown I'm too fat." He told me he was going to quit suggesting I lose weight, "It's a life saver for you, Trudy."

    In my life I have found there are only 3 kinds of people who tell the whole truth. They are: little kids, drunk people, and people who are so honked-off they could spit.
    One time when I was shopping, I checked-out and starting walking out of the store. I keep thinking I'd forgotten something. I looked over the list, went through the bags and found nothing forgotten. As I got to the car, a loud voice screaming, "MOM!!! MOM!!!!" came toward me. My response to the child, "I've told you to stay with me." Child's response, "Mom, for cryin' out loud, I'm 17!!!"



    It was brought to my attention, via a poster, that if I think I have problems, there is somewhere a turtle flipped over on its back and can’t get up. I never thought of that, nor have I thought of the legless animal with raging mange who cannot scratch, or the only on one side 4-legged spider who is not going anywhere fast. Now things/my problems are in perspective.
    Recently I read a sign which said, “MY FAMILY IS JUST ONE TENT AWAY FROM BEING A FULL-BLOWN CIRCUS.” Hmmm, I think mine is in the next ring!
    DON’T WORRY ABOUT THOSE WHO TALK BEHIND YOUR BACK; THEY’RE BEHIND YOU FOR A REASON.



    A paper cut is a tree’s one moment of wonderful revenge.

    A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX:
    1.) EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK. 2.) YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE. 3.) WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU. 4.) IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS, WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER. 5.) TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.
    We all need to be constantly sharpened. This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities. Only you can fulfill the purpose which you were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get
    discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you are, is what's inside of you.
    ??? If a person has kleptomania, do they take something for it? If you have a lot of face lifts, does your navel eventually become you chin? If you have a Ford, Toyota, and VW in your garage, will WWIII start? Why is it when YOU chop the wood, it burns faster? Why do male obstetricians tell their female patients who are about to give birth, “This may hurt.”? How would they know?
    Have you ever noticed that when you smile at someone, they usually smile back?

    I saw a sign in a storefront window the other day. It said, “HIRING. MUST HAVE A CLUE”. I laughed all the way in the door and out again. I had a clue, but couldn’t stop laughing to answer any questions.
    DEFINITIONS: TOMORROW (noun) a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation, and achievement is stored. FRIDAY: a hoped for day where all of TOMORROW’s definition is stored. MONDAY: where none of TOMORROW’s or FRIDAY’s definitions are stored, known, or sought after.
    SMILES AND BLESSINGS, Trudy J
    Whether you think you can or think you can't.....you're right.

    "There is no try; you either do or don't." Yoda
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