October ’07 “F M P”
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing." ”To punish me for my contempt of authority, Fate has made me an authority myself." These were all said by Albert Einstein.
I like the second one. When I think of the things I’ve gotten for nothing; I think of love. One of the biggest costs of that “freebie” is the heart. Not the physical one, but the emotional one. You burn a lot of energy loving someone, in my opinion. You go out of your way doing some extra things for them; you sometimes inconvenience yourself for them; you keep some thoughts to yourself so you won’t hurt them or you keep your hands in your pockets so you won’t hurt them; you suffer when they disappoint you, or you are elated when something nice happens to them. If you didn’t care/love them, you’d go about your time as you want and “blow them off”. You miss them when they are gone, and you enjoy them when they are with you. For those I love and have loved, “I would have missed the dance” had I not expended the energy. Yes, I’ve paid most for the things I got for nothing, but they were worth it.
An entomologist was up for tenure at his university, but he had had nothing accepted for publication in several years. He knew this would be a problem in any tenure hearing. One day, depressed and working in his garden, he discovered his roses were dying. They were infested by an insect. He recognized the bug as one that infested animals, not plants. Excitedly, he took specimens to his lab, where he studied them. Soon, he had written an article. It was accepted for publication, and made a huge splash. The entomologist got tenure; all this because he discovered a new lice on leaf.
AS MANY AS 275 BACTERIA COLONIES ARE EXCHANGED DURING A KISS. Mmmm, what a way to count colonies. Who’s counting, anyway?
I bought a new flavor of bread for a change. It was cinnamon-brown sugar. I toasted a few slices for myself and asked Guy if he’d like to have some, too. He didn’t want any right away, but said he’d like to try one of mine. I put the plate on the table beside my place and his. Then, I returned to the kitchen to fix a cup of coffee. When I returned, all the pieces were gone and he was licking his chops like a satiated bulldog. “You ate ALL of them? I thought you only wanted one. That was my breakfast,” I chided. “Well, Honey, I did have one slice---one right after the other.”
Here are some rather profound things to think about:
Love starts with a , grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
Don’t cry over someone who wouldn’t cry over you.
Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give you.
When it hurts to look back, and you’re scared to look ahead, you can look up and find your best friend will be there.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
You must accept the truth from whatever source it comes. -Moses ben Maimon, philosopher (1135-1204) I guess this could go hand-in-hand with “The truth hurts.” I’ve had people attempt to tell me the truth. I use the word “attempt” because most people find it very difficult to tell the complete truth to someone. To tell the complete truth, in my opinion, bares the teller’s true self. The teller is most always concerned with looking bad/being considered brutal/insensitive/pious or self-serving. Not many people want that stigma. One doesn’t have to be brutal to tell the complete truth, just honest with consideration of the other’s feelings. I remember I had a girlfriend who was more than a size 12. She’d bought a dress she just loved, but was concerned with how it made her look. When she asked me what I thought about the appearance of the dress on her, I turned my answer into a question for her. “How do YOU feel while wearing that dress?” Her response was, “I feel so special, so pretty, and so complete.” My honest reply was, “Well, then, what difference does it make what I think, or anyone else, for that matter? You’ve already told yourself and me what that dress does for you. You’re not going to please everyone. Forget what others think; it’s not that important.” She wore the dress and radiated her inner beauty. However, on the other side of that coin, discretion is what needs to be used…not only in one’s choice of something, but in an honest reply.
A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in three years. Which room is safest? *Answer’s at the bottom.
An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hit the roof and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Jesus Saves' license plate, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker along with the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car." Hmm, now there’s something to think about.
If you add up the numbers 1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 etc) the total is 5050. And before I knew the answer, I had a 50/50 chance of adding correctly. Try it without using the calculator; get those brain cells working. New life will seem to develop.
I’ve seen some interesting bumper stickers. I’d like to share some with you and the ones I made up, too. I brake suddenly for tailgaters. Ask me about my vow of silence. My mother, your mother….get the picture? Yes, my parents were legally married when I was born. Don’t call me an S.O.B. unless you’re a collie. If you can read this thank a teacher; if you can see the American flag, thank a soldier. Sunday driver in training. I know where you are, so does the cop watching you in my rearview mirror. 125 pound German on board---loves Beggin’ Strips.
This last one leads me to tell you about my experience with 3 classes of very rough kids. I was the 5th substitute they’d had. NO one wanted to stay after a few days with them; they were incorrigible. Why I was chosen to sub was not clear to me, but someone evidently knew I’d be able to handle them. After the first day, I sized them up and got ready for war---mine, not theirs. I dressed all in black, including black eye shadow; had my inch-long artificial nails painted blood red on both sides, and practiced talking in a low tone. I arrived at school without a . When they entered the room, I didn’t or acknowledge them as they were used to. I just looked at them and didn’t blink often. Everyone got seated except for a few who thought they’d try to “work me.” I went over to them, stood beside them, looked them straight in the eye, and pointed to their seat. I never uttered a sound, nor did I show any levity in my facial expression. They sat down. Going to the front of the class, I listened as discernment wafted around the room. I turned slowly and faced them. “My name is Mrs. R. I am the fifth substitute for this class. I will be here until I’m told by the administration my services are no longer needed.” All of this said in a low, soft voice. Each word deliberately metered in its delivery. I told them they’d get what they earned, including a from me. “No ---you didn’t earn it; try again.” I asked them if there were any questions. One brave kid asked if I was a witch. I told them to draw their own conclusions; black is my favorite color. Then I delivered my whammy. “I train dogs for guard duty. It’s my hobby. I have 2 Dobermans. Their names are Gettcha and Gottcha. I, also, have 2 Rottweilers. Their names are Oh Yes and Terrific. They all have beautiful teeth. They like to play chase and catch.” I didn’t have many problems after the 2nd day. The administration was flabbergasted, and I continued to weave my spell and tell stories.
IT’S WORTH IT: AFTER A 3-WEEK VACATION, YOUR IQ CAN DROP BY AS MUCH AS 20%. Well, DUH!!!! What if you’re retired? “There is little from which to take a vacation,” that’s what Daddy used to say.
IN THE OLD WEST, MORE COWBOYS DIED CROSSING SWOLLEN RIVERS THAN DURING GUNFIGHTS. Hmm, I wonder if they had their boots on.
When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix, musician, singer, and songwriter (1942-1970) How profound a statement especially since his music was not necessarily gentle and peaceful, nor was his lifestyle or the drugs he put into his body.
This was actually said in a courtroom: ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
Fame is a bee. / It has a song / It has a sting / Ah, too, it has a wing. -Emily Dickinson, poet (1830-1886) Have you ever noticed those who were famous seem to have taken “wing” into solitude? Emily Dickinson surely had a good idea when she wrote her little poem.
HERBICIDE USE HAS CREATED AT LEAST 48 “SUPERWEEDS” THAT ARE RESISTANT TO CHEMICALS. O.K. now do as we do, get some sheep let them eat the greenery, shear them, make a sweater, scarf, or hat and know that your apparel was produced by something you really didn’t want----weeds.
Guy told me about his high school prom. There was a girl named Shirley who was very popular and admired by a boy named Pete Wheeler. The kids all called him “Wheels”. Shirley accepted the invitation to attend the prom with another boy. “Wheels” was disappointed, but attended the prom with someone else, too. Shirley arrived at the prom with a beautiful dress right out of GONE WITH THE WIND. As she walked across the dance floor to join some friends, her gown swept the floor. One of the guys said, “It looks like she has wheels under it.” Guy turned to him and said, “No, he’s over there,” pointing to Pete Wheeler standing by the punch bowl.
Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit. -Edward R. Murrow, journalist (1908-1965)
When my adult children were dating, they’d bring home their “interest” so I could meet them. Most of the kids I liked; however, there was one whom I truly wondered what my child saw in them. This person was not well-mannered, sarcastic to whatever I had to say, and basically disrespectful. I kept my thoughts to myself as long as I could. They piped-up with a retort which was the final straw. I looked them straight in the eye and said, “You probably don’t realize this…I don’t know you well enough to miss you when you’re gone.” It gave them something to think about. Well, maybe it did.
Food for thought: Only about 8% of the weight in a box of cornflakes is corn. Wow, no wonder I can’t get filled up, the filler is unfulfilling.
My children have all been told, “You can think anything you want, but when it comes off your lips and is disrespectful or inappropriate, your lips are mine.” I never cracked a after I said this UNTIL one of them said, “Mom, what would you do with 4 lips? Guy says his ears need a rest.” Ahhh, the rationalization of a child...
PARADISE, SOUTH DAKOTA, WAS NAMED BY TWO RESIDENTS NAMED ADAM AND EVE. Now, what about Shit Creek, Alaska and Hell, Michigan? Hell, Michigan, has achieved a certain status with regional weather forecasters commenting that "it's a cold day in Hell". Then, there is Zzyzx, CA. The name Zzyzx is pronounced /za?-z?ks/ (rhyming with "Isaac's").
Peace be with you all, Trudy
*The third room; lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years would be dead.