Letting Go

[Trudy in Illinois]

This composition is on the serious side. We have all had to let go of someone, something, or a beloved pet. I've had to let go of a child out into the world I knew she'd struggle with, but wouldn't listen to my warnings and rejected everything I had hoped she'd have. That was heart wrenching and still is because she's chosen to not be involved in my life. I've had to let go both parents to embrace Heaven; I was crazy about them. I let go a father-in-law for whom I cared deeply; I had to let go my other 2 children to college 300 miles away and then to their own lives; and I had to let go a beloved dog.

With my children and my parents, I literally slept in their beds for a while to keep them close to me and to smell them. Then, I had to launder the sheets and their smell was gone. I cried. Being a mother is never over, even when we pass on, because our spirit will be with others and our title reigns to eternity. I hear my mother in my voice when I say certain things. I see her in the mirror when I'm looking at myself to check my make-up. And then there she is in the kitchen as I prepare some of my favorite foods she used to make. I won't even begin to describe how I feel when I put on Shalimar or Chloe, her favorite perfumes. In fact, when she passed away, I sprayed my bed with Chloe so I could feel she was close to me. I don't know about being a father I'll never be one, but I do know about mine and how much I miss him. Words escape me to describe the void, but I hear and feel him in my sense of humor and standards.

Things are inanimate objects which bring us joy or satisfaction when we look at or touch them. I was always puzzled at the emotional attachment I had for that '63 used, blue Volkswagen I had in the '70's. I tooted around in that thing like I was Cinderella and it was my carriage. Then it wouldn't go anymore and it would have cost so much to have fixed it. So, I let it go and along with it were all the good times I'd had. That's it! It wasn't the Volkswagen, per se, it was the memories I had of all the things I did and places I went while driving it. I'd still like to have a Volkswagen.

When my beloved greyhound died---he came to me through a Higher Power to help with my 2 grandchildren who are in the autistic spectrum---I didn't take his crate down, nor wash his bedding for quite awhile. I sensed his presence for a long time and had no interest in getting another one. Then I felt the presence ease, and I knew it was time to rescue another greyhound. He "told" me it was o.k. to bring another one "home".

Bringing-in is the jubilation and rejoicing part of life; it's easy. We are usually filled with smiles and a few tears. Letting go can be filled with smiles and tears, too. It all depends on the memories you hold. I smile and choke-up when I talk about those I've had to let go. I talk about the time we had together, the things we did, or things we said, and I smile. I choke-up knowing I'll not be able to have those times again. It's never easy...letting go.

[mspete]

Dear Trudy - There is so much truth in what you have written. I, too, have had to let go of parents, siblings (there were ten of us, now there are two - me and one sister), friends and pets. During the past year I have lost a brother (my baby brother, age 68) and his wife whom I loved dearly, and my sister who became the "mother figure" of our family when our own mother died 50+ years ago. I have also lost one of my best friends, and several other friends who were dear to me. Life is so hard sometimes but we have to remember that God is good and we can gain strength from relying on Him.

Our son married three years ago and I was filled with so much joy it was hard to contain. She had an eleven year old son that I loved dearly and our son was so happy and was no longer along. Just two weeks into the marriage she announced that she was "not ready to be married". After such a short time our son's heart was broken just as ours were and my dreams were shattered. I'm not sure I have yet recovered. I still wonder every day why she would have done such a thing. She seemed to be a wonderful woman and we had known her for almost all her life. She had been divorced for about nine years. In less than 10 months she had married her first husband again. My prayer is that they are happy and have established a loving, happy, stable home for their son. I have not seen either her or the son since the divorce and I really don't know if they are still together. She was a hairdresser and had done my hair for many years. Each day as I do my hair I think of her and her precious son. I have healed to the point that I can mention them without crying. Our son has not married again and does not date often. My prayer is that he will find a woman that he can love, one who loves him, and they can marry and share a loving happy home together. I have my doubts as to whether or not that will ever happen. He is 44 years old and lives alone. Our son is such a good man and would make a wonderful husband and father.

I can't imagine the heartbreak you must endure of being alienated from your daughter. I know your heart breaks each day. Just pray that she is safe and will one day return to you. Until then, may God hold you in the palm of His hand. God bless.

[Trudy in Illinois]

My heart aches for you and your son. I just can't understand going through with a wedding and then so quickly deciding you're not ready for marriage, especially when it is your second one. Hopefully your son will heal enough to know there is someone out there who will love him as he needs. My husband had forgotten what he was looking for when I came along. At 47 he married for the first time. He is now 70 and I've never been happier being married as I have been with him. We will celebrate 24 together as husband and wife in June.

I believe things happen for a good reason. Eventually your son will know why this heartbreaking experience happened, and you, too. Life and its experiences is like a nautilus....moving us forward as we grow and closing the past for a better area to live. The past is history and you can only learn from it, nothing more.

Yes, it is heartbreaking that my oldest daughter and biological mother to the grandchildren I'm raising has chosen what she has. I'm reminded of her every single day-----my granddaughter/daughter is an exact replica of her. But, I did not choose all this and she will be the one with the greatest loss. I just know I did the best I could and have 2 other adult children who emulate those efforts. Hopefully I'll see her before she comes to visit me in the stone garden.

Thank you for your kind words. God bless you, too, mspete.