August 2011 "From My Perspective"

**Trudy in Illinois** · 08/30/2011, 07:57 PM

Hi!

As the eighth month of the year starts, I am in awe of how far my beloved has come from June 1. His health has improved, he is getting stronger, and the plans are he will be coming home soon from the hospital. He has been in all our major hospitals around here since June 1, except for 5 days at the end of June. Prayer works, y'all, and I thank you for yours. God is good!!

I'm sure there are weather conditions you'd like to have had stay away. I've tried to remember the blizzard we had in February, the cold of Winter, and the rains of Spring to deal with the heat central Illinois has had. I got a a call from the devil------he wants his weather back. He can have it.

All the best to you,
Trudy

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August 2011 “FMP”

trudy_cellphone.png

If you don’t recognize this instrument, it is a cell phone with a keyboard so one can text messages to another without actually talking to them. I don’t have one of these; I’d rather hear a voice. Although I’m retired from full-time teaching, these devices were starting to come into existence with the teen crowd. They weren’t permitted in the classroom in the school I taught, but I was very aware of who was using them. It was revealed in their compositions from my classes. “S8 yr problem nd I’ll try 2 help U”. Translated this says, “State your problem, and I’ll try to help you.” The first way is acceptable when writing an informal note, but absolutely not acceptable in formal compositions. My red pen went wild and the paper looked as though there’d been a murder with me at the scene. Well, there had been, in my opinion; this person had murdered English. We were into a game of rebuses. I frequently used to work these in the past during my leisure time; now I was doing it in my profession. Here are some examples of texting “shorthand”: LN (Ellen), ME (Emmy), KC (Casey), J (Jay), LX (Alex), KT (Katie), or K8 (Kate). MN8 (emanate), X 10 U 8 (extenuate), L E G (elegy), T D M (tedium)C U L8 R (see you later), GR8 (grate/great) are words which can be abbreviated for texting or informal shorthand. I guess I shouldn’t be real surprised that the texting shorthand would become as prevalent as it has. After all, we have used IOU on promissory notes since the 17th century and K-9, referring to dogs, for longer than I can remember.

For you cat and dog lovers: Scarlett's Magic, a Savannah cat at 18.07" tall and 42.72" long, is both the tallest AND longest cat in the world! A Chihuahua named Boo Boo, at 4" tall and 1.5 lbs., is now the smallest dog in the world! (Move over lap dogs...)

Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood. -Henry Miller, writer (1891-1980)

Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is. -Thomas Szasz, author, professor of psychiatry (b. 1920)

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter." "I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

I travel to the town of When in the state of Itwas. It’s a town of only memories---no present or future. I go there to find comfort when now gets to me. There I have my comfort zone all laid out, and I sit and remember. The odors of Mother’s soup and perfume, Daddy’s after shave, the sounds of their laughter, the coos of my babies, and the touches of those who’ve loved me envelop me in comfort. The cares and tribulations which brought me to When are set aside until I’ve satiated my soul. What is so wonderful about this town is it never goes away and is always increasing in size. As each day passes, pleasant bits of it journey to When in the state of Itwas.

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy or fat, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I am! Must be where the term 'Smart Ass' came from!

I have a girlfriend who seems to struggle in the kitchen. She tries to make delicious meals but the kids don’t appreciate what she makes. There’s always a fuss about something. She told me, “I used to be able to cook. Now I call it COMBAT.” I can identify.

I sometimes walk through cemeteries to look at the names on tombstones. Here are some which are amusing and thought provoking: Sed A. Bye; Sum Loss; Constant Craps; John Kaput (hmm, they were located next to each other. Could there be a relationship?); SPANKS (underneath is his name and his wife’s name---Arthur Spanks his wife Katherine); Jakshitz (just incase you don’t know, now you do).

When my 2 year old grandson was 18 months old, he’d talk to you to tell you what he wanted. If he saw you didn't understand what he was saying, he'd sign to you. Daddy did that, too, but Mother always told him to put his finger down.

The big guy was being exceptionally nice to me. He said, “I really appreciate you and the delicious meals you prepare. I’m going to treat you like a queen and take you out to dinner.” With that he told me to get ready to go. I was very happy. When we got to our destination, I asked him why we were sitting where we were. “I told you I was going to treat you like a queen and take you out to dinner, didn’t I?” I responded with, “Yes, but WHITE CASTLE isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. -John Ruskin, author, art critic, and social reformer (1819-1900) I think of my parents with this one. Parenting is the toughest job to have, in my opinion. There are no study guides when the tests come, and they come very often. It takes a lot of love and skill to be a good parent, and when the child makes the parents very proud…..well, that’s a masterpiece. Go look at the masterpieces you’ve created. Now you know how they got to that level. Pat yourself on the back.

“How much is this?” the little boy asked, as his Grandma and he walked the store. “Oh, about a quarter,” she said in haste wanting to get the job done of shopping. “How much does this cost?” he asked holding up a bag of carrots. “About 75 cents; now come on,” she said hurriedly. They continued to shop and he continued to ask the price of everything they put into the cart. Finally, they were checking out and getting ready to go home. When they got into the car, the little boy put his arms around her neck and gave a hug. He asked, “How much does this cost, Grandma?” She thought for a moment then said, “It costs as much as to love you-----nothing.” But, then again, doesn’t it cost a heart?

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help." There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words. Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?" The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way." I wrote: "Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it." Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective? Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile. Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear. The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling; and even more beautiful, knowing that you are the reason behind it!!!

Let me get this straight. We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it, but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president who also smokes, paid with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke. My oh my, what could possibly go wrong? Maxine’s observation which is right as usual.

I’d been sick for 1 day with some virus. I hate it when I get sick. Guy gets upset and doesn't seem to know how to function. Men are such needy creatures. God help us when THEY are sick. Oy, such babies. One time Guy had a slight fever. He groaned and moaned (he had a cold!!). He said, "Do you think I'll die?" I told him, "Eventually."
A while ago I had a real bad case of some virus which caused me to be very dizzy and nauseous for 3 days. As the virus worked its way out of my body (as only a virus can do), I saw and felt I’d better not leave the house. The bathroom became my friend. My daughter, who had studied German in high school and college, told me to say, “Donerwetter” which means thunder weather since I was having gas emissions, too. After 3 sprints to the bathroom at breakneck speed, I believed the better word would be “Blitzenshitzen”. I called her and told her; she couldn’t stop laughing.

SENSE OF HUMOR IN OBITUARY
Mr. Donald Charles Unsworth, age 78, died. In his obituary he wanted this printed. “In lieu of flowers please send a donation to The American Cancer Society or to the campaign of whoever is running against President Barack Obama in 2011.”

I recently got a note from AARP. It said, “TRUDY, SEX AFTER 50; A REVEALING LOOK.” Oh gods!!! That’s just way too much information for me, and the imagined visual was rated EWW.

Here are the scariest jobs in America: 1. Forensic Entomologist; 2. Miner; 3. Broadcast Tower Technician; 4. Bomb Squad Technician; 5. Field Epidemiologist. There wasn’t a thing mentioned about being a good Mom or good teacher. In all my years of being a Mom, I’ve dealt with every one of these professions. So, bring it on! Not much scares me…I’m a Mom and retired high school English teacher!

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. 'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could do that, he could fly.'

Here’s how hot it’s been:
The trees are whistling for the dogs. Hot water comes from both taps. You can make sun tea instantly. Seat belt buckles are great branding irons. Chickens are laying poached eggs. Beef in the field is already roasted. Fans are fanning themselves. Snow cones are consumed using a straw. Dairy cows are giving cottage cheese. Asphalt is returning to its liquid state.

For all of you who have experienced over 90 degree days this summer for longer than you’d like, here is a message I saw:
SATAN CALLED. HE WANTS HIS WEATHER BACK. I’m sending it express!!!
Cool lemonade and iced tea to you all…..Trudy J

***To all of you,
Thank you for your prayers for my beloved. July 5 was the darkest day of our lives together. He was told by a doctor, “You may not make it. All we’re doing is not working.” Two days later he started getting better. Prayer DOES work. God answers knee-mail at any hour of any day. Thank you so much. Always, Trudy and Guy