February 2012 "From My Perspective"

[Trudy in Illinois]

I don't know about your area, but Gertie the groundhog in central Illinois did not see her shadow. It was very foggy, so how could she have? I had trouble seeing across the road!! So, the legend says there will Spring early this year. Now, in Pennsylvania, Puxatawny Phil saw his shadow, so over there it will be 6 more weeks of Winter. Whatever it is going to be, it is going to be. The weather ignores critism and complaints. It has its own mind and way of doing what it does best-------weathers.

Whatever you're going to get....flowers early or more cold, wind, and snow, make your own Spring with your smile and good cheer to others. I will.

As always,
Trudy

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February 2012 "From My Perspective"

On March 3, 2011 around midnight, a woman from Houston, TX was arrested, jailed, and charged with manslaughter for shooting a man 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse. The following Monday morning the woman was called in front of the arraignment judge, sworn in, and asked to explain her actions. The woman replied, “I was standing at the corner bus stop for about 15 minutes, waiting for the bus to take me home after work. I am a waitress at a local café. I was there alone, so I had my right hand on my pistol, which was in my purse, which was hung over my left shoulder. All of a sudden I was being spun around hard to my left. As I caught my balance, I saw a man running away from me with my purse. I looked down at my right hand and I saw that my fingers were wrapped tightly around my pistol. The next think I remember is saying out loud, ‘No way, punk!! You’re not stealing my paycheck and tips.’ I raised my right hand, pointed my pistol at the man running away from me with my purse, and squeezed the trigger of my pistol 6 times.” The judge asked, “Why did you shoot the man 6 times?” The woman replied under oath, “Because, when I pulled the trigger the 7th time, it just went ‘Click’.” The woman was acquitted of all charges. She was back at work the next day. Now that’s gun control….In God we trust. God created all men (and women); Sam Colt made them equal!

In a 30/31 day month, if the first is on Sat. or Sun., there will be 5 Sundays. If Feb. has 29 days and starts on a Sat., there will be 5 Sundays. If a month starts on Sunday, there will be a Friday the 13th. Dec. 25 and Jan. 1 are always the same day of the week. If it’s a non-leap year, the year starts and ends on the same day of the week. How do I know all this? I had some time on my hands---I was holding a calendar.

Do you like to toot your own horn; perhaps to drum up support for your cause? Well, I don't mean to harp on this topic, but many musical instruments are used metaphorically in the English language. Here is a word to add a melodious touch to your vocabulary. calliopean (kuh-ly-uh-PEE-uhn) adjective---Piercingly loud. [After calliope, a musical instrument having a series of steam whistles played by a keyboard. The instrument was named after Kalliope, the Muse of heroic poetry in Greek mythology, from Greek kalli- (beautiful) + ops (voice). I can hear my three year old grandson’s gleeful, piercing scream as I type this.

I have a friend whose hubby was fixing a leak in their downstairs bathroom. She told me, “He worked with his dad's home improvement company for years so he says he knows how to fix it. But between you & me, and from the trucker's language coming from my kitchen & bathroom, I think he might have forgotten a few things!!”"Love is the yeast in the bread of life." God gave me this thought years ago. I find it so true and when analyzed, yeast makes bread "grow".....so does love in life.

My youngest daughter came to me with exclaimed glee at something I’d done for her. “Mom, how did you know about that? Are you a sidekick?” I thought for a moment and wondered if I’d heard her correctly; then, I asked her what she said. She repeated the same thing causing me to ask her to explain what a sidekick was to her. She told me, “Oh you know, it’s someone who knows something, but hasn’t read it or been taught it.” I told her the difference between PSYCHIC and SIDEKICK. Then, together we pronounced the words. With a smile she said, “I think you’re both, Mom. You’re my psychic sidekick.”

Here is a classic CHEERS scene where Cliff explains the theory of intelligence to Norm at Cheers. 'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Cats can have allergies to food, insects, grass, airborne stuff, and medication, but NEVER to sleep.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield, comedian (1921-2004)

Have you ever noticed the slogans used for various companies? Here are a few I’ve seen: Demolition Company---“WE WRECK ANYTHING”; Classical musician wanting repeated business---“I’LL BE BACH”; Garment repairs---“A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE”; Tree experts---“OUT ON A LIMB? CALL OUR BRANCH OFFICE”; Air cooling company---“LIFE’S A BREEZE WITH US”.

A song came on as I was helping my husband during his cancer treatment. It was played by Kevin Kern, a blind pianist who produces the most beautiful, calming music. The name of the piece is FOREVER BLUE SKIES. I looked at Guy and said, "You have been my forever blue skies with a few clouds now and then." He smiled and thanked me. Then I had to do something physical for him which made him growl with words at me. I said, "Well, there's one of those clouds in front of my blue skies." The tension was broken and the sunshine of smiles came out.

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS. Try reading this without laughing until you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE FRELL!!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had pooped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head.

2-2-12 In the coming New Year, 2012, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day. This is an ironic juxtaposition of events. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication. The other involves a groundhog.

I recently had a friend tell me how blessed I was to have the two teens (I call them “resident terrorists”) with me since Guy passed away. She continued with, “Children always seem to brighten a home.” I looked at her and smiled. “These two surely do. They never turn off the lights,” I illuminated.

Words with sounds, or Onomatopoeic words. These words are formed by the imitation of sounds they describe. susurrus (soo-SUHR-uhs) noun---A whispering or rustling sound. ululate (UHL-uh-layt, YOOL-) verb intr.---To howl or wail. claque (klak) noun A group of people hired to applaud at a performance. tintinnabulation (tin-ti-nab-yuh-LAY-shuhn) noun---The ringing of or the sound of bells. cockalorum (KOK-uh-lor-uhm, -LOAR-) noun---1. A self-important or boastful person. 2. Bragging.

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. -William C. Dement, professor of psychiatry

A woman goes into a Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. She asks the salesperson to tell her if it is a good one. He says, “I am blind, but I know all the products in this store, especially the rod and reels. This one is one of the best. It is on sale for $20.” “I’ll buy it,” says the lady. She bends over to get her wallet out of her bag on the floor. As she’s bent over, she farts. Knowing the salesperson is blind she thinks he’ll never know it was her. “Here’s my charge card for the rod and reel,” she says. “Thank you. That will be $34.50,” says the salesperson. “What? You told me $20.” “Yes ma’am I did, but the duck call is $11.50 and the bear repellant is $3.00.”

“When you have brought up kids, there are memories you store directly in your tear ducts.” Robert Brault

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer (1564-1642) I’ve had that happen to me never realizing someone had already mentioned it in a positive way. No matter what the age, one can be taught something by another’s actions, ways, or words. Sometimes what I’ve been taught is---I do NOT want to be like that! Ignorant is teachable; stupid is for ever.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own, and they act just like your child did. -Doug Larson, columnist (b. 1926); Trudy Ripka, mom x 5 (1945)

Did ja know department? There are 12 flowers on each side of an OREO cookie. Now try for the famous yesteryear’s jingle about “a kid’ll eat the middle of an OREO first and………………..”. First rule of house cleaning while listening to power ballads: The toilet brush is NEVER the microphone.

Smiles and chuckles to you, Trudy J